“So many people are shut up tight inside themselves like boxes, yet they would open up, unfolding quite wonderfully, if only you were interested in them.”
the latest in Smart Watch Technology for Dads, a smart watch with voice-recognition technology that automatically responds with “time for you to get a watch!” when anyone within range asks for the time.
"wait a minute, are you telling me that tree leaves turn RED and then WITHER AWAY? that’s some MARXIST MALARKEY. destroy the environment!" - what conservatives actually believe.
im 11 and i eat weed every day fuck you
(Source: flewor, via chronicvandal)
job interviewer: any questions?
me: is this job going to make me feel pervasively dehumanized?
me as a pedestrian: [catwalks slowly across street as 90 cars pile up behind each other trying to turn; throws modelesque glance backwards over designer shades] [car inches into crosswalk] HOW DARE YOU COME WITHIN FIVE FEET OF ME!? I HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY??? SEE YOU IN COURT YOU CAPITALIST, PLANET-DESTROYING SCUM
me driving: say your prayers